Until recently I didn’t realize the full impact of my disordered eating. Having healed my relationship with food through Intuitive Eating, I now can look back and see how much fighting with food was holding me back. I had big dreams…..I didn't know that I was never going to achieve them as long as I was trying to control food and focusing on losing weight.
I was talking to a close friend today what that struggle was like. How I had constant mental chatter...about what I should be eating, how I need to get on track, what I shouldn't be eating, how I needed to lose weight, about what I was going to eat next and almost constantly beating myself up about all of it.
It took up so much of my mental and emotional energy. Now, I talk about food for a living, and I would estimate that I spend ⅔ less time thinking about food then I did before Intuitive Eating.
It was exhausting, frustrating, and actually harmed me. It kept me from knowing that I was good enough. It made me think I was broken and I couldnt trust myself. It undermined my confidence. It impacted my relationships. It distracted me from my work. When on a diet I would sometimes avoid social situations where I might be tempted. If I went out, I would be thinking about food and feeling self conscious about my body to the point where I wouldn't be fully present and sometimes I couldnt have any fun or enjoy myself. I didnt dance or wear a swimsuit. I didnt want my picture taken. It prevented me from living the life I wanted and fulfilling my dreams. It prevented my from sharing my unique magic with the world.
It hurts to think about how much I gave my power to the struggle and the shoulds around food and my body. It hurts to know that so many of the powerful, beautiful, amazing women I know are silently going through the same thing. It motivates me to step up and out and share my experience of healing through Intuitive Eating.
Today I am learning to fully trust myself. I know now that I am enough. I can actually enjoy food again. Food is fuel AND fun, but that's it….its just food. It no longer has power over me. I am free to pursue my dreams and share my passions. I wear swimsuits, I dance, I smile when my picture is taken- and I am actually happy.
Are you ready to have the life you really want ?
If so, check out my FREE Intuitive Eating training! I'm excited to have you on this journey with me.
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The first step to healing our relationship with food is reconnecting with the signals our body gives us. One of the ways to do that is by checking in with your hunger before you eat. Here's my spin on the traditional hunger scale.