Food and Body Boundaries During the Holidays

Dreading Holiday gatherings because of food choices and body image comments from friends or family?

Setting boundaries can be challenging and scary. If you are working on making accepting your body, eating in a way that is more in tune with your bodies needs, or simply are tired of body and food focused comments you get from your family, it is helpful to be prepared to set some boundaries. The holidays can be stressful for many reasons but one of the hardest to work through are the family dynamics around food and body image. A well intentioned comment can cause us unnecessary pain and even shame. Keep reading to learn ways to set boundaries with your family (or even friends) this holiday season so you can simply enjoy your gatherings.


Connect to yourself first

• Consider what comments/challenges/harmful actions you will potentially face.
• Determine what you really want. Perhaps you want to hear ZERO comments about your body or your food choices. In my world, those topics are no ones business but mine. Perhaps you don’t want your mother to make disparaging comments about her own body in front of your 6 year old daughter. You decide what is important to you.
• Evaluate your energy for setting a new boundary. If you don’t have the energy to set a boundary at this time, consider ways you can minimize the impact. Some helpful ways to manage feelings around harmful food and body comments might be- going for a walk when things get hard, asking a friend or family member to be a support person, schedule a session with your therapist or a coach within a few days of the event. If you feel ready to set the boundary, read on!

Plan ahead

• Call in advance when you are feeling strong and neutral.
• Tell your loved one(s) (again, in advance) that you don’t want to discuss your food choices or body (or whatever boundary resonates with you).
• Be specific. State what comments you will no longer tolerate. For example, comments such as “are you sure you want to eat that?” or “you look like you’ve put on weight”, or even “I made these cookies especially for you, you HAVE to eat one!”, or even “you look great” can all lead to us feeling stress and shame about food or our bodies.

Ask

• Tell the person that you know they want what is best for you, and ask if they will support you in learning to be more in tune with your body by respecting your boundary.
• If they agree to respect your boundary, be sure to tell them that you know they might forget because old habits die hard. Let them know you will be reminding them. Be sure to remind them, every time they cross the boundary.
• If they don’t agree- let them know they have a right to refuse but you have a right to protect your boundaries. Let them know what will happen if they cross the boundary….such as leaving the event or leaving the room.

Follow through

• When the boundary is crossed, follow through on the action you said you would take. This is important to reinforce the boundary and in building trust with yourself.

The Holidays are meant to be a celebratory time. You deserve to have safe spaces to celebrate! Setting boundaries can be scary but also extremely liberating. I want to hear from you if you are struggling or have had success in setting boundaries with loved ones.

​Want more ideas on navigating the holidays? Check out my latest holiday blog posts, Five Ways to Stay on Track this Holiday Season and Five Steps to Keeping Your Sanity During the Holidays

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