Est 10 min read

Diet culture is our systems, cultural values, and beliefs that value thinness and elevate thinness above all else. It gives a message that thinness equals virtue and is based on white supremacy and anti-fat bias. It equates your value and your worth with being thin. It causes people to try to control and manage their bodies to meet this thin ideal beauty standard. 

“Diet Culture is a system of beliefs and practices that elevates thin bodies above all others, often interpreting thinness as a sign of both health and virtue. It mandates weight loss as a way of increasing social status, strengthening character, and accessing thin privilege.” - What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon

I recommend a few books for dismantling your own internalized diet culture messaging.

1. Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings: Discusses how diet culture came to be and its roots in white supremacy and racism.
2. The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor: Talks about the ladder of bodily hierarchy and how we're all trying to get to that place of being at the top.
3. More Than a Body by Lindsey and Lexie Kite: Talks about how our value and worth are not tied to how we look and that our body is good regardless of its appearance. 

Is diet culture a cult? Are diets culty? A friend of mine told me about this podcast, A Little Bit Culty. She was saying how she thought diets are actually a cult. It got me thinking and googling. I was checking out the Boyd Cult Scale and found a lot of similarities. 

There are 10 factors:

1. Information control. To what degree are followers not allowed to read materials regarding group structure? I wouldn't say that people aren't allowed to read other information, but diet culture definitely influences the literature that's out there. Even the science and the research are often heavily influenced by diet culture. Research around food addiction, for example, is often self reported binge type behavior. It's not controlled for whether restriction is happening; restriction definitely causes an increase in occupation with food and binge type behavior. It's not accounting for the fact that we've all been instilled, that if we eat beyond fullness, it's considered a binge and that there's something wrong with us, and that it’s bad. So, it definitely has influenced the literature that's out there. It's also pervasive in the media that we consume.
   
2. Devotion to the leader. To what degree does the group encourage love and devotion to the leader of the group? I wouldn't say there's a specific leader; it's more like love and devotion (or preoccupation as I would call it) to the idea of thinness and looking a certain way. You can take my Quiz to find out if you are preoccupied. 
   
3. Dependence. To what degree is the follow up behavior specified and directed towards the doctrine and the leader commandments so that this guides the follower’s decision? The doctrine of thinness is valued above all else and definitely guides people's decisions. Diets inherently cause this dependence because you go on a diet, it lowers your metabolism, reduces your muscle mass, and increases your preoccupation with food. It basically tells your body you're in a famine. You'll likely then have the pendulum swing and eat in a way that feels out of control, making you feel like there's something wrong with you and you need to go back on a diet. You will also have to maintain a restrictive eating plan to keep the weight off. Diets and diet culture definitely create this dependence.
   
4. Coercion. To what degree are followers manipulated to enter the group and to remain in a group by instilling fear, shame, or guilt by humiliation or public embarrassment threats, or emotional blackmail? This is where anti-fat bias comes in. People are absolutely shamed and humiliated for being in larger bodies, not “trying” hard enough, “giving up on themselves,” “letting themselves go,” and eating in a way that is considered “gluttonous.” I would absolutely say that coercion is part of this. You are ostracized from the group if you don't look a certain way or if you're not at least trying to pursue looking a certain way.
   
5. Mystification. To what degree do followers learn a special language and interpretation of symbols that creates an alternate mindset from which they view reality? All these diets have you count calories, use specific rules, and you have to do these check-ins. There's absolutely a special language that goes along with dieting, and it shifts your mindset. I can't tell you how many clients I've worked with that literally can't stop counting calories because all they have to do is glance at something, and they know exactly how many calories or how many points are in that food.
   
6. Disassociation. To what degree are followers asked to remain in an altered state of awareness outside of their grounded state of awareness affecting their ability to function normally in our personalities? Dieting actually decreases your ability to be attuned to your body and increases compartmentalization and dissociation. You’re asked to disregard your hunger signals, which is a part of survival. You’re asked to restrict, ignore or push away the signals your body gives you. Most often, diets also ask you to exercise on top of that while you're already in a calorie deficit. In addition to that, you are asked to push to the point of exhaustion. You’re also asked to disassociate from yourself in the sense that it's asking you to judge yourself and not good enough as you are, making you feel broken and increasing that rupture in the attachment with yourself. It’s saying there's something bad and wrong about you and that your value and worth are tied to your appearance rather than saying there's something bad or wrong about this message. Disassociating from yourself creates self-hatred, self-loathing, and shame.
   
7. Identification. To what degree have followers identified themselves with an element of the superconscious mind and detach from the identification with their ego and self? We kind of become this herd of sheep that are mindlessly following. You have to count the calories and do the list of foods they're saying to do. Have you heard of Food Addicts Anonymous or Bright Line Eating? I had a client who did this style of dieting before working with me. They literally had to eat precisely six ounces of raw vegetables and six ounces of cooked vegetables. Regardless of how hungry they were or how sick they were, they had to follow these things to the letter, ask their sponsor, send pictures of themselves to their sponsor. The sponsor would tell them whether they were eating the right amount of food or needed to cut back on protein or add more carbs. They had to call their sponsor every day and report what they ate. That's a big kind of groupthink rather than hearing and honoring yourself and what your body tells you.
   
8. Isolation. To what degree does a group cut followers from relating to family and friends outside of the group and limit contact with society outside of the group? This plays out a little differently…the majority of people are brought into this cult. If you are dieting, you're considered part of the group. That said, if you reject dieting, if you don't value thinness, you are ostracized and kind of isolated and not accepted. Unfortunately, when we're not accepted, it's like being banished. If you are not loved and accepted and welcomed into the group, that's a survival threat. We need other people to survive. People don't live as long if they don't have that social connection and support, not to mention the quality of life. If you choose to reject that culture, you will be isolated in some ways. I've had to work really hard to find a community and people who aren't caught up in that mindset (but it's possible and worth it!).
   
9. Cognitive restructuring. To what degree does indoctrination from a group change follower's beliefs about themselves and their relationship with other people, their moral values, and their cosmological view of the world? Diet culture does create cognitive restructuring. Shilo George was on the podcast, Do no Harm and talked about this as an invasive species; this messaging of your value and worth being tied to your appearance, thin is better, and there's something wrong with you if you eat a certain amount of food or look a certain way. Even if you use food to soothe, that's normal and doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. But we're given all of these messages, and it's completely pervasive. Diet culture changes the wiring in your brain to tell you that your value and your worth are tied to how you look and that you are not enough as you are. It also increases shame. It does change your belief about yourself and influences your relationships with other people.
   
10. Motivation. To what degree do followers' goals and dreams shift from a personal focus to a spiritual focus? Diet culture causes people to postpone personal goals. I've worked with many people who spent about 80% of their time thinking about food and body before working with me (now that they are healing, it's down to about 20%, yay!). They shared that most of their mental and emotional energy went towards controlling and managing their body and thinking about what they should and shouldn't eat. If you are spending that much of your mental and emotional energy on food and your body, there's no way that it isn't interrupting your personal goals and aspirations. Diet culture shifts your motivation to focus on changing your body, trying to contort/fight against it, and controlling and managing yourself instead of loving and accepting yourself and doing the things you want to do in life. 

When I first had this shift and healed, I had all of this peace and ease, and I didn't even know what to do with myself. I started creating playlists. I dove into learning how to become an Intuitive Eating Certified Professional. I ultimately created this business, and I'm now writing a book. I have had a lot more energy for my love life, adventures, sex, and pleasure in my life. I take time for fun and have so much more joy in my life. There are so many things I missed out on. Now I travel, cautiously, of course, during the pandemic, but it has freed me up to do so much in my life, and I am much more fulfilled. 

Email me if you have questions or if you need support at Tiffany@CoachTiffany.com. If you're spending a lot of your mental and emotional energy on this, feel like you're stuck in the cult of diet culture, and you want to break free, I can help.

'Est 7 min read

Last week we talked about diet culture in my blog post “Diet Culture: Is it Consuming You?” Much of the diet culture messaging you receive throughout your life is out of your control. This week, we're going to talk about the piece that you can control. We can't control that we're mired in diet culture, that we all live in this system of oppression, or that those systems are real and exist, but you can start to dismantle and reject those ideas. What can you do? Part of that is looking at an aspect that you can control: what are you taking in? What are you consuming? 

First, let's look at self criticism. Self criticism around food and your body is internalized Anti-fat Bias. This is internalized diet culture messaging. Shilo George talked about those thoughts as an invasive species. They come, they're not yours, they are invasive, and they get all up in your brain. Self-criticism is perpetuating those messages. 

What do you do about it? Increase awareness around self-criticism. Have a lot of compassion for yourself with it because this is a process that takes time. You may need to get support around it, but increase your awareness around your self critical thoughts and start to shift them. Noticing when they happen, celebrating, having awareness over these thoughts, that's a step in the direction that you want to be going and then questioning them. If you're having a thought like, “Oh, I'm fat, my jeans are tight”, first off, remember, being fat isn't bad. And it is anti-fat bias to believe so. So check that piece. 

Second, ask yourself, is size really a measure of your value? Its not, but this idea might be lurking in your subconscious from the diet culture BS messaging. Your size doesn't change your value. Consider that it's possible that you can accept yourself as you are in this moment, regardless of your jeans being tight, it's possible that you just need some clothes that fit on your body, rather than trying to fit into clothes that don't fit you. 

Speaking of tight clothes….one of the ways that we continue to consume diet culture messaging, is by going to retailers that only offer smaller sizes, or that value and promote a thin aesthetic. Are you going to someplace that all their models/mannequins are thin? Do you have to scrounge around to find your size or are you going someplace that is size inclusive? When you go to try on clothes, one of the ways that you can begin to shift this, is by not assuming that you should fit into the clothes, they should fit on your body. 

What I recommend is when you try on clothes, make sure that you're getting a range of sizes and that you start at a higher size so that you're not trying to squeeze into a size that is too small for your body. Then, in the dressing room, actually turn around, don't face the mirror, put the clothes on, see if they're comfortable. If they're not comfortable, then take them off. And don't ever look at yourself in them. Then if you do get to the point where you find clothes that you like that feel comfortable, turn around and see if you like the way that they look on you. Recognize that these are going to look different than they do on a model or on a mannequin, which isn't even a human. Most of the images that you're seeing around this are going to be airbrushed. They're going to be highly posed. Clothes don't look like that on average human beings. 

Again, consider where you are shopping. If you have access, shop at size inclusive stores. One of my favorite places to shop is Mary Rose Northwest Boutique in downtown Oregon City, for those of you who are in the Portland area, but it's also online!! They are a body size inclusive retailer.

This leads into the next area of consumption, media. What are you consuming in terms of media? Are you getting Glamour magazine? Are you getting magazines where the vast majority of their pictures are of thin white models? Or are you getting magazines that have a diverse group of people? I simply skip them all together and actually make a point of not even looking at them when I'm in line at the grocery store. 

Where are the other places that you are seeing this kind of thin white beauty cultural norm? What shows are you watching? Do you have shows that have a variety of bodies, sizes, different ethnic backgrounds, different abilities, different ages? I really have struggled to find shows that have a variety of diverse groups of people in them. I try to watch those shows when I can. Even in books, podcasts, we experience anti-fat bias…consider where else are you getting images that are promoting thin ideal? In books, you might be surprised, because it's not actually a graphic usually. Most characters are thin and the thinness is valued. Are you reading books that say harmful things about larger bodies? That's anti-fat bias that's going to reinforce to your brain that thin is good and fat bodies are bad.

Last, take a hard look at social media, this is a place where we consume so many images and this is a place where we get a lot of diet culture messaging. 

What's in your feed? Are you following accounts where people are having before and after pictures where people are promoting diets? Are you getting a lot of ads for Noom, Paleo, and Whole 30? These ads you can actually report them if you want to and say you don't want to see this. Over time, it does reduce, I still get them occasionally, but it's much reduced. I've unfollowed all the accounts where people are promoting fitness as wellness, or promoting weight loss, encouraging weight loss, and instead, we want to replace that. 

You don't want to just take away those accounts, you also want to replace that with a lot of diversity, including size, ethnicity, diverse range of age and ability levels. There are some really great social media accounts I will link at the end of this. Follow these accounts and start following some of the fat adventurers who are out there; they're fat advocates out there doing things that I couldn't personally do, but I'm working on it. Following these accounts really opened my eyes to my own internalized Anti-Fat Bias, the ideas that I had that limited what I thought was possible for people who don't fit the thin ideal. They're living life to the fullest. Recognize that you have the ability to enjoy life at every size and that your body is good as it is regardless of what it looks like. It's helpful to have a variety of images coming in and having accounts where you're seeing that in real life. 

For some people, it can be helpful to follow accounts where people are wearing very little clothes, because just appreciating all of the curves and dimples, the differences and nuances of all the human bodies, stretch marks, scars, what real bodies look like, can be really helpful. For other people it can be activating. If you are still having a lot of those diet culture messages ingrained, that actually might make you activate those anti-fat bias thoughts. You might internalize some of those. Be conscious of what feels right for you and get support if you think you need it. 

I hope this blog was helpful and if you need support or if you have questions, feel free to reach out to me Tiffany@coachtiffanyrn.com.

Social Media Accounts to Follow:

Unlikely Hikers

Body liberation activist Jes Baker 

Mirna Valerio (@themirnavator)

Ashley Manning (@ashleysadventure)

Jolie Varela (@indigenouswomenhike)

Sam Ortiz (@samortizphoto and @biggirlsclimbtoo)

Megan Banker (@pdxoutdoorchiro)

Ashlee Bennett (@bodyimage_therapist)

Erik Cavanaugh (@erikcavanaugh)

Amanda Lacount (@amandalacount)

Estimated read time 7 ½ minutes. 

First, lets get clear on what diet culture is. It's the systems in place that value thinness and appearance over health, ideas that shame you into thinking that there's something wrong with you if you are not thin. This is a cultural system of oppression that harms everyone. I really appreciate Christy Harrison, the dietitian, and her definition of diet culture. 

Diet culture is a system of beliefs that: 

• Worships thinness and equates it to health and moral virtue, which means you can spend your whole life thinking you’re irreparably broken just because you don’t look like the impossibly thin “ideal.” 
  
• Promotes weight loss as a means of attaining higher status, which means you feel compelled to spend a massive amount of time, energy, and money trying to shrink your body, even though the research is very clear that almost no one can sustain intentional weight loss for more than a few years. 
  
• Demonizes certain ways of eating while elevating others, which means you’re forced to be hyper-vigilant about your eating, ashamed of making certain food choices, and distracted from your pleasure, your purpose, and your power. 
  
• Oppresses people who don't match up with its supposed picture of “health,” which disproportionately harms women, femmes, trans folks, people in larger bodies, people of color, and people with disabilities, damaging both their mental and physical health. 

I want to go a bit deeper into the origins of this messaging…diet culture is actually rooted in white supremacy. It was created to bring separation of white women from the slaves; painting slaves as bad and a White Christian women as better and of a higher status. They created the idea that thinness and eating restrictively was virtuous and tied this idea to religion. This has only been around for a relatively short period of time. We didn't always value thinness over other body types. 

Unfortunately, today, the healthcare system is inundated with Anti-fat bias and diet culture messages as well. Most doctors/clinics/hospitals are still measuring health based on weight. The BMI is bogus. You can reference an article here about that. BMI or weight are not good measures of health. 

But you're told again and again, that being thin is a good measure of health, and along with that, the message that you're actually better if you're thin, even morally superior. Diet culture is total BS. It's really important to call out those systems, reject those systems, and recognize that a lot of us, well almost all of us, have an internalized anti-fat bias due to the system of oppression of that culture. It's important to bring awareness to that wiring within yourself, and start to dismantle it, because it creates shame. It also increases your preoccupation with your body, being thin and consequently with food. 

The question is, is this consuming you? It causes you to really focus on that pursuit of thinness, of eating perfectly and of a certain body aesthetic. It creates shame when you don't meet that ideal, making you feel like there's something bad or wrong with you. It makes you also believe that your value and your worth are tied to that ideal. You feel like you're not good enough perpetually. Again, it's really important to reject those ideas and weed out those thoughts and start to recognize where it's impacting you so that you can shift away from that preoccupation with that constant pursuit of fitness or thinking about how you need to control or manage food and your body.

What percentage of your mental and emotional energy you are spending on your body and on your relationship with food? More than you’d like to be? This is what I would call preoccupation in the food attachment model. If you're curious about your food attachment style, here's my online quiz. You can check it out and get the information about your style so that you can start to shift your way of thinking and your relationship with food in your body. But here's some other thoughts to consider.

What does that look like? If you aren’t sure how much mental and emotional energy you are spending on food and your body, here are some things to consider…how often are you checking in the mirror? How often are you weighing yourself? How often are you trying to move your clothes? Body checking in the sense of do you look okay, are any lumps or bumps showing? Is this shirt right? Do you need to adjust anything? How does this start to show up when you walk into a room and you can compare your body to the bodies of the other people in the room? Are you sizing them up? Are you having judgmental thoughts about yourself every time you get dressed? Are you able to look in the mirror without having a lot of self critical criticism? How is this diet culture consuming you and how often is it consuming your thoughts? Is it kind of invading your day? How often is it hijacking your mental and emotional energy? And for food…are you counting calories or macros? Do you weigh all the consequences of each food choice? Do you beat yourself up if you eat something you think you shouldn’t? Do you push away hunger signals? 

Some of the other ways it may be showing up is in your conversations with your friends. Are you spending time talking about diets and your bodies? I find it tremendously boring now to talk about diets, our bodies, and nitpick ourselves. We have so many other more interesting things to discuss. I just want to get to know my friends; I don't want to be spending so much time focused on our bodies, I want to focus on them and who they are in their lives. What is fulfilling and enriching to their lives and what's hard for them emotionally. So…is it invading your relationships in that way? Is it invading your relationship with a romantic partner? Are you able to pursue a romantic partner if you want one or do you think you don’t deserve one? 

I'm writing a book, as many of you know, and I was sharing with my book writing coach about how much body image issues impact the sex lives of my clients. We both cried at how tragic it is that people are denying themselves that pleasure and closeness because of feeling bad about their bodies. I’ve been there, before healing my relationship with food and my body, it impacted my own sex life. For years, I felt self conscious, I didn't want to engage in sex because I was worried that I would look fat. Now I know that I deserve pleasure, regardless of how my body looks at this moment. I deserve pleasure and having love and acceptance for my body and being in relationship with my body is something that brings me closer to accessing pleasure, and makes things more enjoyable.  You can read more about that here. So, is it impacting your sex life? 

How about your sense of safety and connection at home? Is diet culture impacting your relationship with the other people in your household? Your housemates, your spouse, your children? Does it make it so that you can't eat and enjoy food meals with them? Does it make it so it feels like you have to hide and you can't just eat what you'd like to eat in front of them? 

How is it impacting you in terms of your communities? Do you avoid events because of the way that you feel about your body? Or the way you feel about food? Does it make you feel like you have to make excuses for yourself when you're out in public or when you're eating with others. There are so many ways that culture consumes us and creates this preoccupation with food in our bodies. It prevents us from accessing joy and being fully connected in the relationships that we have in the world and in our communities.

In part two of this blog, I'm going to be talking about “What are you consuming?” What are some of the ways that you can start to consume media and things that will support you, instead of hinder you. In the meantime, we're going to talk a little bit about what it could be like instead. How would your life be different if you're able to really reject diet culture, have acceptance, and have that relationship with food in our body that feels nurturing and connected? In my world, I call this secure attachment with food and your body. It looks like being in relationship with food in your body, feeling connection and trust with your body. Feeling acceptance over your body is good as it is at this moment. Knowing that your value and your worth is constant and inherent and non negotiable. Your value is not tied to looking a certain way or eating perfectly. Secure attachment looks like having ease and peace in your relationship with food and your body. Knowing that these outside things don't dictate what is right for you and what feels good to you. It also looks like eating in a way that is resonant for you, this alignment that feels like you're taking care of yourself, like you're actually enjoying food. You're not restricting, you're able to have what you want when you want it but also eat in a way that is honoring of your body and is attuned to what does and doesn't feel good for you and your body. This is all possible for you! It starts with rejecting diet culture BS. 

I'd love to hear from you in the comments or feel free to email me at Tiffany@coachtiffanyrn.com if you want to talk about what it could be like instead, just share your vision, or share the changes that you've made and how just simply starting to call out and reject some of those diet culture messages has allowed you to build more connection and trust and acceptance in your relationship with your body and help you to find more joy and peace.

I want to ask you today, what are you blaming on food?  A lot of times people will say things like- I feel like my bones hurt, I feel creaky, I feel like I have inflammation in my body. I feel puffy. I feel bloated. I'm fatigued. I don't have a lot of energy.  A lot of times you're blaming these things on food, and what you ate, or on your body. 

This is because diet culture messaging tells you that if you don't feel great, it's your fault, right? You're doing something wrong, and it must be what you're eating. If there's a person who's thin who has more normative eating, then you're not blaming their health issues on food, right? You're only blaming it on food when it's you, someone who is in a larger body, or someone who struggles in their relationship with food. 

I was talking with some clients during group coaching, and one of them is trying to manage their blood sugar because they have a diagnosis of diabetes. They were noticing that they sometimes would eat something and their blood sugar would be fine. They would eat the exact same thing another time and their blood sugar would be higher than they want. What happens in this culture and type of health education is we're taught that it's all about the food for blood sugar control. 

When I worked at the hospital, as you may know I'm an RN, a lot of times people who would eat regularly and their blood sugar would be fine but just being in the hospital, being ill and stressed, having us poke and prod at them, would make it so that they would have to be on insulin while they were in the hospital. They would say to me, “I don't understand, I'm eating the same things I normally do but my blood sugar is so high, I don't normally need insulin.” There's also medications and other things that can impact it like steroids; that makes your blood sugar go completely out of whack. 

Its important to look holistically at the entire picture, into what is impacting your blood sugar. One of the people in the group that I was coaching said, “Oh my gosh, I always blame it on the food. I track my food and I'm hyper focused on my food. This is the only thing that I've considered that impacts my blood sugar, but all of these other things impact it as well.”

So my question to you is, what do you blame on food? 

Do you blame being tired on food? Maybe it's actually because you're not getting enough rest. You could have a medical condition like sleep apnea that's causing it, you could be going through something really big and just need more rest and healing time. 

Are you blaming your energy and your vitality on food? Sometimes, especially during all of this COVID time that we've had and all of the political unrest, it may be not due to your diet, but instead due to all of the trauma that you're going through, all of the stress, all of the grief. Oftentimes, you're actually eating in a way that resonates for where you're at. You may be eating more comfort food, so it's easy to blame it on food, but actually, what's really going on is that you are not feeling well so you're needing to eat foods that are easier to digest or that are less intensive to prepare. 
​
Are you blaming your bloating and digestion on food? Bloating can actually be caused by hormones, reproductive issues, stress, eating extra fiber, or GI issues. GI issues can be tied to nervous system regulation and have nothing to do with food. 

So is it the chicken or the egg? I think it's that we're blaming the egg, but it's actually the chicken. 

When it comes to our bodies we have to look at the nuances. Where are the possibilities of things that are creating these challenges for you, instead of just blaming food or blaming your body. Blaming your body actually just increases preoccupation with food. It increases preoccupation with your body and makes you feel like you're failing, you're not doing good enough, or it's your fault. When actually, your body is wise, it’s just trying to get you through. Your choices are driven by what's going on in your body, the things that are impacting you from your environment, and other issues that you might be having. 

I'm hoping that this will really help you zoom out, look holistically at your challenges, and recognize that food is most likely not the problem. The problem is that something else is going on for you, there are multiple things that could be creating that problem and multiple ways of shifting it. It could be as simple as getting more sleep, taking supplements, getting more joyful movement in your life, or reducing stress. Maybe you're having a stressful situation that you actually can remove yourself from entirely, that has nothing to do with food. This is really an important distinction to make. It can be really helpful in creating more ease in your relationship with food and actually shifting the way that you care for yourself. Increasing that connection and trust that you want to build with your body so that you can really start to heal your relationship with yourself. 

If you would like more information or you're curious how I might support you, you can reach me here.  You can also take my food attachment style quiz if you are looking for a helpful starting point.

​I want to share with you a tool I created for body attunement. Being attuned to your body is key for secure attachment with self, your body, and food. If you're aware of intuitive eating, you've been trying to practice it, you've been struggling, if you're somebody who's new to this work, or you're somebody who has tried to learn body attunement, but you haven't found a way that's really worked well for you, this tool will be helpful. 

The tool is called the five A's. 

Awareness
Allowing
Acceptance
Acknowledgement
Action?/Honoring

Awareness- Start by taking a moment to tune into your body. You have to make it a priority to take time to check in. That can either be in real time when you're having a big sensation or emotion happening, or it can be scheduled regularly so that you're learning to do this through consistent practice. Both are valid ways of learning, and both of them are really helpful.

What are you looking for awareness of? You're really looking for a sensation. A lot of times people will say “I feel sad”, “I feel happy”, or “I feel angry.” One tool you can use is to just ask yourself, How do I know? Where do I feel happiness in my body? What are the sensations that come along with that? Or just simply checking in and seeing what sensations are present independent of any emotions. 

Stay curious. You might actually be surprised; sometimes you might be feeling something that is upsetting but when you actually check in, the sensation is kind of benign or might even feel kind of good. You want to be completely neutral, judgment free. You are just checking in. A lot of times in wellness or mindfulness practices, you're told to check in, figure out where you feel tension, and relax. That is actually not the goal here, you don't want to try to fix it or change it. The goal is to really notice what is and become aware of what is present and not try to change it. 

Where do you want to pay attention to? Well, any sensation is important and valid, but you're really trying to zoom in on one or two sensations, whatever is calling your attention or needing to be explored. Now you're probably used to noticing the musculoskeletal tension or pain. What is often more interesting or useful to look at are things that are in your visceral experience- any kind of organ based sensation. Visceral column is your GI tract, everything from your mouth down to your intestines, your throat, your heart and lungs, your diaphragm, your intestines, your reproductive organs, your genitals. Your skin is also an organ. You're looking in this column, all the way down. It can sometimes be a good practice just to pick an area you feel disconnected from- like asking what's happening in my abdomen right now or what's happening in my chest. A lot of times when people feel sadness, they'll feel it in their chest like a constriction. Name it! You can bring deeper awareness by naming the actual sensation. When you feel the sensation, you're using your right brain. When you name the sensation, you're using your left brain. That is really powerful for building new skills, using both sides of your brain.

For naming it, think about what it actually feels like…It feels like a buzzing, I feel butterflies in my stomach, I feel nauseous and a churning happening, I feel my mouth watering, my skin feels electric, etc. You're looking for ways of describing the sensation. 

Some questions might be helpful like, does it have a texture? Does it have a color? Is there a motion to it? What direction is it moving? What is the quality of it? For example, It feels like dense fog. 

The goal is to bring awareness, ideally, to your visceral column, and then name the sensation. This is not just for unpleasant, difficult sensations, or challenges. It's also for the pleasant ones. If you can catch yourself having a really joyful or happy moment and let yourself sink into what is the sensation that's present here? Can you let it grow and expand? Can you sit with it? Can you allow this feeling to be in your body and take up space? For some people feeling pleasant, joyful sensations are just as challenging. 

Allowing- Let yourself sit with the sensation and not try to change it. In fact, I think even growing this sensation is ideal. Allow the sensation to take up space, growing in size or intensity. But again, you want to remain curious, noticing if this is pleasant or unpleasant rather than assuming it's unpleasant. When you are learning, you want to titrate this. When you're first practicing, just sitting with it for the amount of time that feels okay to you, because it can feel really overwhelming to feel sensations, particularly ones that you've disconnected from, disassociated from, that feel painful, or uncomfortable. Start with the amount of time that feels good, but moving up toward 90 seconds. That's about how long it takes to metabolize the feeling. 

Acceptance- it's helpful to say things to yourself like, it's okay that you're here, I hear you, I see you, I will acknowledge you, I appreciate that you're giving me that information. Having acceptance that there's nothing bad or wrong with you for having this sensation or feeling. Keep the mindset that you don't need to fix or change this, simply experience what your body is trying to tell you, experience what is present for you. 

Acknowledgement- Focus on giving your body gratitude and appreciation. Saying things like- Thank you body for getting my attention, thank you for trying to tell me something, thank you for carrying me through life and containing all of these aspects of me, thank you for your wisdom. Choosing something that feels resonant for you is really important. Acknowledging and appreciating the magic that your body does. We all need to experience a full spectrum of sensations to be fully connected to your body. Your body is trying to help you navigate the world and really is the vessel that you do that in. You want to express that gratitude to build connection and trust with your body. 

Action???/honoring- This could be a little tricky, you don’t always want or need to take action. The first four parts of the five A’s are the most critical..the practice of building connection and trust with your body, connecting and seeing what is present, simply feeling/allowing your sensations and your emotions to be felt. Sometimes there's a clear action. You might be like, I feel hungry, I need to eat, or I feel hungry, but I can't eat for half an hour. So then you tell yourself, “okay, buddy, I hear you, and I will make sure I eat a really robust meal, or that I get to it as quickly as I can.” This step is about honoring the information that you receive. 

Sometimes the sensation will be trying to tell you something really specific. Like, I feel a burning in my chest, is this related to anger? Anger can be a sign that you have felt a boundary was crossed sooo, maybe the action or the honoring of that is you need to set a boundary. What might also be true for you is you don't have the capacity right now, or you're not really sure how to do that. Then the honoring would be just sitting with the information that you received, and seeking support around it or seeing how you might start to explore the idea of setting a boundary. You want to honor it but you want to honor all of what's true for you and not use this as a “should”, an attempt to fix, or as a judgment against yourself. Even if you knew that you needed to set a boundary and you felt you did have the capacity but you just didn't want to, that's okay. You can use discernment and decide if you want to take action. Then the honoring could be figuring out what you will do in lieu of setting the boundary. What else do you need to do? Do you need to distance yourself? Do you need to make sure you have a friend to call after you see that person so you can vent? Do you need to take a walk when you’re upset with them? Looking at ways you can resource and support yourself around the challenge that you’re experiencing.  

This is meant to be an enriching experience. This can feel really big and it can be hard to want to do this because it feels scary or challenging. Simply practicing awareness, acceptance, allowing, acknowledgement and then honoring can be really powerful in building that body attunement and really healing your relationship with yourself and bringing you to that place of secure attachment. If you need support around it I can support you. You can also watch the video version of this here.

This is one of the top things that people search for and this is one of the top things that people ask me when they come to a consultation with me (I like to call them discernment sessions). 

They ask me, “how do I heal my relationship with food?” 

This is actually quite simple. But it is not easy. 

The main reason it's not easy is that these patterns around food in our body are lifelong. They start when we're infants (probably even in the womb). We are born fully dependent on our caregivers to feed and nurture us. Our wiring is based on however they set the stage for this. Our dispositions, stress, and life experiences happen that disrupt, change, make it easier, or more difficult. 

We're not necessarily taught to have a connected relationship with our body where we're really listening to our body. With Intuitive Eating and Secure Attachment, listening to our body is the guide for how, when, where, why we're eating. Some people are modeled that and they seem to do really well and have this ease around food, it's very connected and attuned to their body.

The majority of us are either going to be more preoccupied or anxious about food and kind of trying to control or manage. Diet culture really gets in the way and starts to increase that preoccupation and makes us feel like we're not good enough as we are. It takes us away from our body attunement, because we're then trying to make decisions based on all of these arbitrary shoulds: shouldn't eat carbs, you should eat this many vegetables a day, you shouldn't eat between these hours. That's taking away from the body attunement. 

Others may be avoidant of food. They don't want to really think about it or have to deal with it. They eat whatever in a way that's not attuned to our body. Or maybe you're avoiding food in the sense that you're very restrictive with food and not getting enough nourishment. 

These are some of the hallmarks of the food attachment styles. And the goal is to move towards an earned secure relationship with food. In relationship with your body, in relationship with food, and eating in a way that is attuned to our body. Not spending a lot of time and mental and emotional energy thinking about food and also not avoiding it. That's the goal. So, how do you do that? How do you get to that point? (I would encourage you to read the What is Success blog because redefining success is really important in this). 

One of the biggest barriers to healing your relationship with food and your body is diet culture. It is the “should” mentality, you “should” be a certain weight. As long as you're trying to obtain a goal weight or control or manage your body in that way, it's going to disrupt your body attunement. You're not going to be able to develop that kind of inner intuition about what really is the right thing for you. That's one of the reasons it's so hard, lifelong. 
Diet culture is so prevalent, right? It's social media posts, TV, you hear it at the doctor's office, you hear it from your friends, your family, your parents and all the people in your life. 

So know that the game is kind of rigged, that diets don't work and those things actually just disrupt your body attunement. You have to get a lot of distance from that. Reject diet/health culture; the idea that you need to look a certain way, or, that's the way that you're going to be your healthiest, you're going to be the best and get really curious in lieu of that. 

Start looking at the patterns around what's happening here. What am I actually concerned about? Am I eating in a way that doesn't feel good to my body? Do I feel like I don't have enough vitality? Am I eating emotionally? Look at those patterns and then start to address those actual issues. If I'm eating emotionally, the issue is that I don't know how to actually feel my feelings. I have a great resource, an app, for this called the Breathing room. That's a great tool to start to get more in tune with your body and really discover the sensations and emotions. 

First step, stop dieting! Be prepared to go on a journey of “this is hard”. You've been in a lifelong struggle, you will need to really start to connect with your body. That takes time to develop and that's a skill that you likely haven't learned yet. You need to develop it in order to eat intuitively.  You can't eat intuitively, if you're not attuned to your body. This is not something that you “should” be able to do, you have to actually develop it, it is a skill. Most of us have the ability to do this, but it takes time and energy, like learning to drive a car. 

Again, plan to be on a journey. Get curious with your patterns. What's actually happening leading up to these things, the things I'm actually concerned about? And then look at how you might address them. Try on different solutions without judgment. Again, know this is going to be a long journey. There is nothing wrong with you. It is learning an entirely different way of relating. 

A big piece is developing your body attunement. I created a tool for this called the five A's. I have a great YouTube video about this also.


Awareness. Bringing awareness to what the sensations are that are happening in my body right now? How does this actually feel? What's actually going on for me? 

Allowing. Letting yourself actually feel that sensation. We're not trying to fix it here, we're really trying to just allow, feel it. Let yourself sit with that sensation. Ideally, at least 90 seconds, just sit with it, just be with it, walk around with it. But really hold on to that feeling, let it be seen and heard, and recognize it. 

Acceptance. Acceptance over that sensation. It is okay that I'm feeling this way. I don't need to fix it. There's nothing bad or wrong with me. Even if this is uncomfortable. It's okay, that this is part of my body. My body's trying to get my attention with something here. My body's trying to let me know something. It's okay to feel this. 

This acceptance and allowing is really key and really important. However, if you're someone who struggles with a lot of trauma, if you have had a substance abuse problem in the past, if you have other barriers to being connected to your body like pain, if it feels really hard or scary to be connected to your body, you may need to get support and have someone who can hold space for you. You also might need to titrate this to little doses...let yourself feel/experience a little bit at a time. Use the app or just sit with it initially for like 15 seconds and then build up to the 90 seconds. Recognize that this might feel really scary for your nervous system, it might feel really hard to do, and that's okay. But we definitely want to get to the point where we have awareness allowing acceptance, and then we're going to acknowledge from there.

Acknowledgement. Okay, thank you body, you are my home, thank you for housing all of this, thank you to the sensations in my body, thanks for getting my attention and letting me know something is going on. I hear you, I see you, thank you. Expressing some gratitude, naming what is present in our body. And, then really appreciating it. 

Action? It’s meant to be honoring. I've just received all of this information and now I'm going to take those first 4 A’s and see if there's something to do. Sometimes it's just feeling it and allowing it, that is the honoring itself, or that is the action that you take. The first four pieces of it are the most important, the most critical, you're not feeling it so that you can change it or fix it. you're feeling it for the intent of becoming more connected and in tune with your body and for developing that trust with your body. 

This is so key to intuitive eating and healing your relationship with food. Getting connected to those sensations and allowing them to be present to what is true for you. Sometimes there's an honoring that needs to happen or an action that needs to happen. An example is something as simple as I feel hungry...this is what hunger feels like in my body, it's okay that I feel hungry, I have acceptance over that, I'm going to name it. Yes, I'm hungry, thank you body for letting me know I'm hungry. The action is going to be, go eat some food. Right? 

Sometimes it's much more complex. You may notice that you are ruminating. Do a body scan...maybe you notice your cheeks are flushed, you feel tension in your belly, and it feels like a twisting and a gnawing. In allowing that feeling to be there, you might have some clarity, is this coming up because so and so crossed a boundary? The action might be, Do I want to cry? Or do I want to set a boundary with them or talk to them about that? Again, that can feel scary, you don't have to do that. Its important that you don't make it conditional, if you feel your feelings, then you have to take action, that can make you avoid feeling your feelings. But sometimes there is a way of honoring your feelings and your capacity. “I need to tell so and so that I don't want them to comment on my body anymore. Or I need to tell my mom that my daughter doesn't have to eat green beans if she doesn't want to. Or I need to tell my sister that she can't just stop by and I need to have advanced warning. Or I need to tell my lover that I need some more space to myself.” Setting a boundary, and honoring the information that you receive. Or waiting to set the boundary until you are ready. The most important piece of these 5 A’s is the awareness, acceptance, and allowing. You're trying to build connection and trust here, you're not trying to fix, change, manage, control or contort your body into doing what you want it to do. You may take action, you may not. 

This is the framework that I've developed in terms of supporting people in building that body attunement and sitting with those sensations. There are others, experiment with what works for you. 

I also recommend writing out a list of sensation words or using the Reembody app, because sometimes it can be really hard to name what's happening in our body. That's another thing that we're not modeled. It's really valuable to actually name it in terms of getting clarity and getting connected and understanding your body better. That uses two different parts of our brain so it's really effective in supporting change. 

Feel free to reach out to me if you need support beyond this. If you're really interested in working with me, I have the free peace with food discernment sessions. I offer them periodically, when I have space in my private coaching practice, or when I'm getting ready to have a new group program. If you're interested, you can go to my website and apply for one. You can also sign up for my email list. When I do open up spots, I send that out to people on my list first. If you're interested in working with me, if you think that you'd like to get more support, these are the best options to do that.

Today we're going to talk about sex and intuitive eating. I want to ask…

Do you have as much pleasure in your life as you would like?

Are you enjoying your sex life?

Are you satisfied with your current sex life, whether your solo and your sex life is self pleasure time, or whether you are in relationships or experiencing sex with other people and enjoying that time?

I'm really curious how that is feeling for you, if you're satisfied with it? 

Part of my personal journey is that I've always been a sexual person and enjoyed sex and pleasure. But I definitely felt some things were lacking. I didn't always feel connected to pleasure, or like it was accessible to me. For a lot of years, I was not only dieting, but I also was experiencing a lot of burnout, a lot of physical pain, and I was very disconnected from my body. 

Through intuitive eating, I started to have a much more attuned relationship with my body, and was so much more connected to what was happening in my body. That meant that I was really able to feel pleasure at a different level. It also meant that I was able to recognize when there were barriers to having the life that I really wanted. I was able to recognize when I was experiencing depression, what my pain really felt like in my body, and what kind of barriers that pain and depression created to being connected to my body.  When I saw all of that with curiosity, I was then really motivated to address that pain and depression as best I could. It helped to have let go of the shame and judgement around it first. 

After doing intuitive eating for some time, I also had more body acceptance and felt braver about exploring sexually with people. At the time, I had a spouse, exploring with him and exploring sex with myself. I'm going to actually publicly admit this and I don't know if I have publicly admitted this before, but it took me until 38 or 39 (I'm 42 now) to actually start having orgasms using self touch only. I was only having orgasms either through very specific types of sex with my spouse, or through using a vibrator or something of that nature. I wasn't using them very often so I was almost exclusively only having orgasms when I was with my partner, when they put in the effort that it took for me to have an orgasm. I definitely felt like it wasn't as often as I wanted. 

It wasn't until after I started doing intuitive eating and getting that sense of body attunement, getting a lot more curious about my body, letting go of shame, having a deeper relationship with my body, more connection with my body that I was like, why am I not experiencing this? Like, I know I can have orgasms. But I'm just not having this experience. I was missing out! And so I started doing some research and figured it out.

There's a website called OMG Yes...it is a great website for working on learning different types of self pleasure, exploring different types of sex, and different sexual acts. It's really an 
educational tool for women; they actually provide animated drawings showing you how to do particular motions, and give suggestions of what you might like to try out. They have videos of women actually doing that type of self pleasure, the actual anatomy, and actually modeling it. Be aware that for some that could be activating if you have trauma around around sex; know that may not be the place for you, please check in with yourself first. If it feels safe to you, it's a great resource that I highly recommend. 

Going back to my Intuitive Eating journey, after I started eating intuitively, having a more secure relationship with myself and with my body, being more connected and more attuned to my body, then I really started having more desire and wanting to experience more pleasure. My sex drive actually increased. I was well nourished so I wasn't so exhausted. I had more of an abundance of energy. This created a really beautiful opening for me in connecting to my sexuality and exploring it more and experiencing more pleasure. So it wasn't just about orgasms. That was kind of a side note; I had been really limited and didn't feel like I could figure out how to pleasure myself in that way. It's much more comprehensive than that. It is much more about enjoying all of the aspects of our bodies and really allowing more pleasure. 

Oftentimes in diet culture we are so focused on controlling and managing our body and trying to contort it to fit this ideal standard. We're much less connected to questions like: what do I feel like in my body? What do I want to feel like in my body? How much pleasure do I want to experience? 

I actually found through intuitive eating, with body attunement, and secure attachment with myself that my capacity for pleasure and sexual experience could really be increased and enhanced. I was able to prioritize that a lot more when it felt safe to do so because I didn't feel shame around my body and I felt acceptance over all my folds and rolls and dimples...all the things. When I had the bandwidth, because I wasn't spending all of my time- my mental and emotional energy, obsessing over food, trying to control and manage that, then I had bandwidth for other things. Again, I was well nourished, I had more actual energy. It's amazing how much having energy will increase your sex life. Satori Madrone researched the connection between intuitive eating and sexuality and how some people are really seeing the benefits of intuitive eating in their relationship with their body and that relationship with their body improving is improving their sex life. I'm not sure if that research paper is out yet but she is a great resource on this topic.

The last thing I want to say is that I really found that this sent me on another journey. I actually ended up deciding to leave my marriage, which I wouldn't say is because of intuitive eating or because of this expansion and my sexuality. I left my marriage because it was not right for me anymore. When I became single for the first time in 17yrs, I really wanted to grow and explore my sexuality more. I hired a sex coach. Her name is Jessie Fresh, she's a pretty incredible person. For some people, when we start diving into their intuitive eating journey and their body attunement, you may find that you aren't satisfied in this way. And for whatever reason, we don't talk about it. I was really fortunate to meet Jessie at just the right time. The base coursework is called the erotic freedom course created by Jaiya. Similar to the way that I have the food attachment model and the food attachment styles and you can take my quiz online, you can take the quiz on Jessie's website, or on Jaiya’s website, and find out what your sexual blueprint type is. It's kind of like your love language for sex. You can find coaches through the erotic freedom club or work with Jesse if you're interested in getting support in those ways. 

I found that becoming more in tune with my body and getting curious about my body and prioritizing pleasure over restriction and diet and all of that misery, shame, really made a huge difference in my life.

I would encourage you to start to explore pleasure as you become more in tune with your body. Consider allowing pleasure to be part of your journey because pleasure is so good for our nervous systems. It's so good for our relationships. It's so good for your overall health, and it just feels amazing. Go out there and get yourself some pleasure! 

I hope this will help you to see more of the benefits of moving away from diet culture, weight stigma, and shame and restriction. Buck those systems of oppression with self pleasure!  

If you're ready to dive into your relationship with food and want to get curious, you can take the food attachment style quiz here.